Will my tomboy daughter or effeminate son become a homosexual?

The questions below will help parents assess the risk and possibility of unhealthy gender development in their child:1

  1. Does your child display behaviours markedly atypical for his/her own gender?
  2. Does your child reject his/her sexual anatomy?
  3. Does your child prefer to go to the opposite-sex parent?
  4. Does your child adamantly reject the possibility that he/she will grow up to be married and have children someday?
  5. Have you observed any of these behaviours from early in your child’s life, persistently and/or frequently?
    • Dressing like the opposite sex and/or refusing clothes of his/her own gender
    • Preferring toys, games and activities stereotypical of the other sex
    • Preferring playmates of the other sex
    • Rejecting or having no interest in same-sex peers and their games
    • Preferring cross-gender roles in make-believe play or fantasizing about being the other sex
    • Opposite-sex gestures and mannerisms, including voice inflection
    • Insistence on using a name of the opposite sex
  1. Does your child have a warm, comfortable relationship with the same-sex parent?
  2. Does your daughter enjoy doing “girl things” with her mother (e.g., ask mum to do things with her; show mum her toys), and your son enjoy doing “boy stuff” with his father (e.g., play rough-and-tumble; watch/do sports)?
  3. Does your child interact and relate comfortably with same-sex peers?
  4. Does Dad encourage Daughter in developing her femininity, and Mum encourage Son in developing his masculinity?

The more you score “Yes” on Questions #1-5 and “No” on Questions #6-9, the more urgent the need to seek out professional help to address a possible Gender Identity Disorder in your child. 

1. Mike Haley, 101 Frequently Asked Questions About Homosexuality(Oregon: Harvest House Publishers, 2004)

What makes a woman “lesbian”?

A woman who experiences emotional dependency on another woman may develop same-sex sexual attractions to that other woman. Emotional dependency takes the form of a consuming, unhealthy attachment to another person of the same-sex, from whom a person derives identity, validation and well-being. The relationship, if founded on emotional dependence, may then take on a sexual nature and develop into a lesbian relationship.

Emotional and relational attachment seems to be as important as erotic attraction in lesbian relationships.1 However, a lesbian’s primary yearning to find self-completion or a sense of wholeness can take place within real or imagined relationships with other women.2

Mike Haley explains some contributing factors to lesbianism3:

Childhood trauma. In one study, an astounding 90% of the lesbians surveyed experienced some form of abuse, including witnessing abuse against a family member. The three most common forms of abuse experienced before the age of 18 were emotional (almost 70%), sexual (more than 60%), and verbal (more than 50%).

Damaged mother-daughter relationship. When a girl is neglected by her mother in her earliest phase of life (birth to 2.5 years) and does not receive the maternal affection she needs, she may grow up believing that her mother is unreliable and decide not to identify with or trust her. In the process, she may reject and suppress her own femininity.

Unhealthy father-daughter relationship.If a father is abusive to his wife or daughter, his daughter is less likely to enjoy her femaleness and may even reject her femininity. If the father is hostile or emotionally unavailable to his daughter, he communicates a bad feeling about being a woman to her.

Atypical childhood play patterns. Avoidance or rejection of typical female games and activities, preference of male over female playmates, and unwillingness to participate in typical female interests may reveal how a girl sees and accepts herself as a female in childhood. This gender identity alone does not necessarily predispose a female to same-sex attraction later in life.

Personality or temperament. Little girls are often expected to be soft, sweet and compliant. Some parents don’t hide their disappointment or disapproval when they aren’t and may inadvertently leave their daughters feeling rejected. If her sense of self and female identity is wounded, it makes a girl more vulnerable to lesbianism at a later stage of life.

Media propaganda. Today, the mainstream media has glamourized homosexuality as fashionable and progressive through depictions of attractive persons in same-sex intimate relationships, and through celebrities who have “come out” to declare themselves homosexual. As such, one may today observe more young ladies displaying intimate affection towards each other in public and more readily identifying themselves as lesbian.

1. Janelle Hallman, The Heart of Female Same-Sex Attraction: A Comprehensive Counselling Resource (IVP Books, 2008)
2. Love Won Out series: The Heart of the Matter: The Roots and Causes of Female Homosexuality (Focus on the Family, 2005)
3. Mike Haley, 101 Frequently Asked Questions About Homosexuality(Oregon: Harvest House Publishers, 2004)

Is being homosexual a choice?

Many homosexuals attribute their first realization or hint that they have same-sex sexual attractions to their adolescent or pre-adolescent years. Unremembered early experiences – some as early as before a child is old enough to walk and talk – may contribute to this perception.1 Understandably, for the person grappling with homosexual attraction, it can feel as if homosexuals are “born that way”.

It doesn’t mean a person wakes up one morning and decides at that moment to make himself or herself attracted to someone of the same sex. While sexual attractions may not be voluntary, many homosexuals do make voluntary, conscious choices about expressing their sexual attractions in sexual behaviour. This is akin to how a married person can choose to indulge affections for a third party by pursuing an extra-marital affair. Homosexuality is traditionally understood to be preceded by:

  • Sin: acting out sexually in deviant ways and against natural law due to mankind’s fallen nature which has departed from its created order and purpose.
  • Seduction and Grooming: older homosexuals “recruiting” more into their fold by preying on, grooming and sexualizing young heterosexuals who later turn homosexual.
  • Psychiatric/Mental conditions: confusion over one’s gender identity, rejection by and fear of the opposite sex, sexual addictions or dysfunctional family of origin.

Even if there were some innate disposition or (unfortunate) extenuating circumstances that led a person toward homosexual inclinations, no human being is compelled to yield to every sexual impulse he/she experiences.

1. Kerby Anderson, A Biblical Point of View on Homosexuality (Oregon: Harvest House Publishers, 2008)